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Five Things Mom Can Live Without

Five Things Mom Can Live Without

07 May , 2014 No Comments

 

We often think of motherhood (and parenting) as a kind of recipe.

If we add just the right ingredients to the mix, a dash of this or that, and put it in the oven long enough, then out will come this perfect child and the proverbial perfect life. Motherhood and life never work that way. Most moms know the things they ought to be doing. In fact, that’s a big part of the problem- most moms feel guilty precisely because they feel they are not doing all that they think they should do.

Some “supermoms”, thinking they’re helping inspire or encourage other moms, actually create an opposite reaction resulting in guilt and shame from an inaccurate view of motherhood. I took an informal survey on Facebook and had a great response from moms to help me with this post. My hope is for moms to lighten up. Let’s all determine to leave some things behind. When asked what moms can do without, some funny responses included: whining, tattling, all those Legos, Brite Lights, pantyhose (tights) for babies, and extra pounds. Some not-so-funny responses included: an uninvolved dad, absent father, deadbeat dad, condemning looks from others while trying to care for my special needs child. Five things emerged as recurring themes. I want to present them with a biblical response to each one.

1. Unnecessary Guilt

“Mommy guilt” results from the myth of the Supermom. Supermoms are driven by the unnecessary need and unrealistic expectation of perfect kids – a clean house, excellent meals, and an always-cheerful spirit. If you know a woman who seems to be the perfect mom, I can assure you, she is not. Let’s just destroy the myth of Supermom. And if you’re trying to live up to that: Give it up. Be real. Live in the freedom that is yours in Christ.

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Romans 8:1

2. Unrealistic Body Image

Many moms struggle with a worldly self-image (body image). One mom said, “After a few kids the perfect body is gone.”  This, of course, is natural and though our culture says otherwise, the Lord tells us our worth and value in Christ trumps all worldly measures. Finding your worth in anything apart from the freedom we have in Christ results in crushing personal demands. Moms: Recognize that you are in a spiritual battle and it is for your soul, not your body. Give up trying to have the perfect body. 1 Samuel 16:7 reminds us that God doesn’t look at the outward appearance anyway- He looks at the heart!

“Do not let your adorning be external… but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.” 1 Peter 3:3-4

3. Unimportant Things

Contrary to what many moms may think, they don’t need more stuff (more toys for the kids, a nicer house, better clothes, a newer car, a promotion or raise, more activities, extravagant jewelry, an uninterrupted career path, etc.). Moms: Keep your life free from the love of money, and be content with what you have. Your Savior is enough and Hebrews 13:5 reminds us that He “will never leave you nor forsake you.”

And He said to them, “Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.” Luke 22:15 

4. Unintended Pressure On Your Kids

Many moms, in an effort to protect their kids from the stress of life, actually induce more stress in their children. Parents are to be the “non-anxious presence” in the family. Moms and dads must find their worth in Christ and not in the performance of their children. This sets their children free to risk, to fail, and to learn from their mistakes. Non-anxious moms find their rest in Christ, who has become their Righteousness, their Perfection, their Peace. These moms raise well-adjusted children who recognize their identity is found in Christ as well. Moms must also remember that each child is unique. Allow each child to be himself/herself and do not bring unintended pressure by comparing your children to one another.

But Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.”  Matthew 19:14

5. Unwanted Worry 

Moms have many things in their lives that could lead to worry- but they don’t have to worry. The Bible tells us to be anxious for nothing. Some of the moms in my informal survey noted that they also don’t need unresponsive, unmanageable, or unruly children. It is true that many things in life can distract a peaceful heart. Moms can eliminate worry as they determine to have one priority: Christ Himself. As we seek Him above all else, all else will fall into place.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”  Philippians 4:6

This Mother’s Day let’s commit to give our moms what they deserve the most: Lots of love and encouragement.

The Saddest Day in History

18 Apr , 2014 No Comments

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“My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”  Matthew 27:46

We call it “Good Friday” but like so many things in the Kingdom of God, it was good for us, but bad for Him. What we call “Good” was terrible for our Lord Jesus. As you go about your day today, consider these facts: Early on that Friday morning, after no sleep the night before, Jesus was taken to Pilate’s prison. He was beaten by professional torturers who knew their craft all too well. He was then presented to the crowd who chose a notorious prisoner over the very Son of God. Throughout the day Jesus was silent and ironically, directing every move that was taking place. He was taken into the courtyard (called the Praetorium) and the entire company of soldiers surrounded Him.  They stripped Him, put a crown of thorns on His head, a staff in His hand, and knelt down before Him in mockery. They spat on Him and punched Him many times, as hard as they could. Tortured nearly to death, exhausted and famished, He carried His own cross to Golgotha and was nailed to it about noon. Darkness came over the earth from noon until 3:00 p.m. Close to 3:00 p.m. Jesus cried out “It is finished!” and He died. Around 5:00 or 6:00 p.m. the women came to prepare His body for burial and they placed His corpse in a borrowed tomb. The massive stone was rolled into place as the sun went down on the saddest day in history… and the angels were silent as all creation watched to see what would happen next.

As you go throughout the day today, be in a constant state of remembering what happened to our Lord Jesus. Think about each event as though it was all happening today. Consider the horrific emotional strain of knowing you are about to be killed, and greater still, the anticipation of the very wrath of God upon sin that would come upon you. And remember, He did all of this for one reason: you. Of all the faces that came to the divine mind of Jesus, one of them was yours. And it was enough to kill Him.

Pray: Lord, today I will walk with You through Your sufferings. I will meditate on every phase of Your sacrifice for me.  My heart breaks over my sin that put You on the cross.

The Ten Traits of a Healthy Family

The Ten Traits of a Healthy Family

25 Mar , 2014 No Comments

1.  They have an irrational commitment to each member of the family. 

They display an illogical love for one another, spread lavishly and without discretion.  “How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!  The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know Him.”  1 John 3:1 Driven by 1 John 3:1, stunning amounts of love, kindness, and forgiveness are shared to family member.           

 2.  They communicate with truth and grace. 

Mom and Dad model Ephesians 4:15 How we treat our spouse (and how we extend grace to our family members) will confirm or contradict what we believe about God. “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into Him who is the Head, that is, Christ.”  Ephesians 4:15 Create an atmosphere where truth can be discussed, regardless of how difficult it may be to talk about.

 3.  They affirm the value and uniqueness of each member of the family. 

Each person is loved for free and without judgment.  His or her opinions and feelings are always honored. “Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.” Romans 15:7 Celebrate the uniqueness of each child in our family. “I wouldn’t change a thing about you.”

 4.  They vow never to abuse, shame, control, or intimidate one another. 

“Oh, children are resilient- they bounce back.” No children are fragile and understanding that children are fragile- no emotional, verbal, or physical abuse is tolerated in any way and is immediately confronted.  Consider the power of words. “Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.”  Philippians 4:5 Unkind words are not tolerated- “We do not talk to each other like that in our family.”  Parents: You must model kind words and challenge this early on.

 5.  They share a strong spiritual foundation. 

Parents recognize that a “mild dose” of God will never cultivate a life that has Christ at the very center, guiding every aspect of life (Deuteronomy 6:4-9).  There is no abdication of spiritual formation- no outsourcing to the church. We create spiritual orphans, spiritual schizophrenics. Complete disconnect! What’s your goal parents?  There’s a big difference between a young person who goes to church & one who is truly sold out to God.

 6.  They teach respect for others. 

Racism, arrogant superiority, or disrespect for people who are different is never tolerated. Jesus added to the Shema that we should love each other as we love ourselves: “And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’.” Matthew 22:39 When you see a child who is different than other kids ask, “What would it feel like to be that kid?” Teach your children to love and honor all people- adopt Martin Luther King Jr.s’ dream for our nation.  Help your children dream of the day when every person- Hispanic, black, Asian, European and all people will know that they are loved with the unprejudiced, unbiased, and unrestrained love of Jesus.

 7.  They instill a sense of responsibility in one another. 

Each member knows that they must take responsibility for their own actions and face the consequences of their poor choices. Self-esteem does not result from simply heaping large amounts of affirmation and praise. It happens when a child learns to be responsible. “If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.  If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.  If we claim we have not sinned, we make Him out to be a liar and His word has no place in our lives.”  1 John 1:8-10 Let the consequences do the teaching.  It’s God’s way- and parents too often get in the way of what God wants to do, simply through the consequences of choices made or not made.  Parents: Do NOT rescue your child. This takes courageous parenting- it takes faith- to believe that God will work in your children’s life as He sees fit.  When you let the consequences do the teaching you place that child in the hands of God.

 8.  They play together. 

This is so important. Laughter and fun mark a family that builds strong relationships with one another. “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”  Proverbs 17:22

 9.  They celebrate rituals and traditions together.

This gives the family a sense of constancy and permanence.  They know that the love and commitment of the family will never change- this year, next year, and the next. “Ask the former generations and find out what their fathers learned, for we were born only yesterday and know nothing, and our days on earth are but a shadow. Will they not instruct you and tell you?  Will they not bring forth words from their understanding?”  Job 8:8-10

 10.  They seek help when they come to an impasse. 

They understand that all families have issues that may need outside or professional help and they are not afraid to ask for help when needed. “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.”  James 5:16 God is very clear about the kind of families He wants us to have.  Let us follow His principles and seek to honor Him in our families.

The Question

10 Jan , 2014 No Comments

As we move into this new year, it’s good to remember that there are two mistakes we can make regarding the past. First we can stay in it, allowing past failures or past successes define us. This is why Paul said, “… but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead.” Philippians 3:13  He’s saying, “Don’t live in the past”.  Don’t let it define you. Move on. But another mistake we make regarding the past is to disregard it altogether. And in our transient culture many tend to have no past, no connection with the past, and then feel that they live unto ourselves. We don’t know where we came from and so we live in the now and for the now. And when you live only in the present, you live only for yourself and not as a part of a community, a tribe, a family – a STORY.

As a pastor, one of the recurring questions I get (in varying forms) is essentially, “What is God’s will for my life?” We believe God has a specific plan and we want to know what it is. But the question itself betrays our misunderstanding. We’re asking the wrong question. The better question is, “What is God’s will?” Period. The first question centers on me; the second centers on God. He is the Source, Purpose, and Reason for life, not us. So what is God’s will? What is He up to? What is He doing that He wants me to join?

God is really about one thing: Himself.

Initially that sounds strange. Immediately we think that’s egotistical or self-centered. If we were to say that about ourselves it would be. But not God. He is already the Center of all things and because He is perfect, loving and good, anything- or anyone– who comes to Him experiences His perfection, love and goodness. So God wants everyone to come to Him to receive all that He has to give – for our good and to His glory. And what He has to give is always good and right for all things created because He created all things.

So, what God is up to primarily is bringing everything and everyone under His sovereign reign and perfect love. What He’s up to specifically is rescuing all of mankind from sin (from ourselves apart from Him) and renewing all things created. And all of this, “to the praise of His glorious grace, with which He has blessed us in the Beloved..” Ephesians 1:6. He wants all people to come to Him through the Beloved, Jesus Christ, Who alone has made provision for us to do so. Christ alone came from God. Christ alone lived the perfect life and met the holy demands of God for us, when we could not. Christ alone has provided the sacrifice for our sin and He alone will lead us to new life in Him.

God has a mission and He has formed a Church (a called-out people) to bring all other people to Him. He’s calling us out. He’s calling us to Himself. He’s calling us together. He gives us power to accomplish what He;s called us out to do. Jesus said it this way:

“But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.” Acts 1:8

That is God’s will. That’s what’s up.

The God We Worship

20 Apr , 2013 No Comments

“As nothing is more easy than to think, so nothing is more difficult than to think well.” – Thomas Traherne (17th Century English poet and theologian)

If we ever think well, it should be when we think of God. Surely Tozer was right: “What comes into our minds when we think of God is the most important thing about us”. You and I are shaped by who (or what) we worship. At the end of Romans 11, Paul finishes major theological treatise to the Roman Christians. Then, his theology bursts forth into doxology:

33 “Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God!
    How unsearchable his judgments,
    and his paths beyond tracing out!
34 “Who has known the mind of the Lord?
    Or who has been his counselor?”
35 “Who has ever given to God,
    that God should repay them?”
36 For from Him and through Him and for Him are all things.
    To Him be the glory forever! Amen.” Romans 11:33-35

God is… In all of these traits we remember that, when it comes to God, we must first believe and then understand. Faith precedes reason when we approach God because He is beyond our understanding.

  • all-wise (vs. 33) – the wisdom of God is unfathomable. All God’s acts are done with perfect wisdom. His wisdom is His ability to devise perfect ends and to achieve perfect ends with the most perfect means. A.W. Tozer- in “The Knowledge of the Holy” wrote, “All of God’s acts are done with perfect wisdom, first for His glory, and then for the highest good for the greatest number for the longest time.” Not only could His acts not be better done: a better way to do them could not be imagined. His plans cannot be improved. He is wisdom unimagined.
  • all-just (vs. 33) Revelation 4 tells us that Jesus is seated on His throne- He is in the highest place- of all authority and all judgment. He is just, righteous, perfect in everything He does. Every decision He makes is perfect. He does not seek counsel from anyone. He does not conform to some other opinion. He is always right, simply acting like Himself in every situation. His goodness and compassion flows out of His justice, because goodness without justice is not goodness.
  • all-knowing (vs. 34) To say that God is omniscient is to say that He has perfect knowledge and therefore has no need to learn- who’s going to teach Him something? God knows instantly and effortlessly all things. Because God knows all things perfectly, He knows nothing more than He knows anything else, but all things equally well. He never discovers anything. His knowledge is infinite. He is never surprised, never amazed. He never wonders about anything, He doesn’t seek information or ask questions. He is self-existent and self-contained and knows what no creature knows- Himself, perfectly. Only the Infinite can know the infinite. He is eternal and infinite. He is eternal in time and He is infinite in all of His qualities. When Moses said He is “from everlasting to everlasting” (Ps. 90), he was saying that God has no beginning and no end. That God appears at time’s beginning is not too difficult to grasp but to say that He appears at the beginning and the end- at the same time is hard to grasp. But it is true. He is the God of the past AND the God of the future. He is the eternal NOW- He has no past and no future. When words that describe “time” are used in the Bible they refer to us not Him. It’s why Revelation 4 says, “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty- Who was, and is, and is to come.” He has already lived all of our tomorrows just as He has lived all of our yesterdays. From Him everything that will happen has already happened. God is beyond our comprehension and what God thinks when He thinks of Himself, only He can know. All this to say- He is transcendent, that is, He is far above what human thought can imagine. T.S. Eliot asked, “Where is the wisdom we have lost in knowledge? Where is the knowledge we have lost in information?”
  • all-sufficient (vs. 35)  No one can give Him anything. He is self-existent. No onemade Him. A more positive assertion of selfhood could not be imagined than the words of God to Moses: “I AM THAT I AM.” You cannot add to me. I don’t need anything. “Need” is a creature word. Nothing is complete in and of itself but requires something outside of itself in order to exist. All breathing things need air; every organism needs food & water. Every created thing needs some other created thing to keep it alive & all things need God. To God alone nothing is necessary. In fact, the word “necessary” is completely foreign to God. He is Supreme over all and cannot be elevated. You can’t add to Him. You can’t give Him anything that He needs. He doesn’t need our praise. God doesn’t need our approval. We are so prideful, and we think so lofty of ourselves, it is quite easy- even enjoyable- to think that we are necessary to God. He loves us, but He doesn’t need us. We cannot add to His infinite worth, we do not enhance Him, increase His value. And our worship of Him adds nothing to Him. If every man on earth were to become an atheist it would not effect Him in the least.

As Paul closes this doxology he says that all things are “from Him”. God is the Giver, is the Source; He is the Initiator. He says all things are “through Him”. God is the Deliverer the Provider, the Sustainer; He is the avenue by which the gift is delivered. All things come “through Him”. Not only that, but God is, at the same time, the Receiver. All things are “to Him”.  He is the beginning and the end. His glory is the goal. And Jesus teaches us that God IS the Gift. He is delivering Himself to us. Not only is it from Him, through Him and to Him but it is Him!

“For in Him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through Him and for Him.” Colossians 1:16

What is God receiving? Look at the gift that God is giving and receiving through us! He is receiving THE GLORY. The word here is doxa. It translates literally as “an opinion”. In the New Testament it is always a good opinion that results in praise. What is God giving Himself through you? He wants you to respond to who He is and what He has done with such a high opinion of Him that results in praise. Commentator Douglas Moo asks, “What should be our response to our contemplation of God’s supremacy in all the universe? Like Paul’s, doxology.”

Perhaps the greatest of all of God’s qualities is the fact that He is all-loving. All of God’s greatness- every one of His eternal and infinite qualities- have found their expression most perfectly in a single Person. His name is Jesus. In Him our worship takes a dramatic Christological shift. Scotty Ward Smith writes, “Jesus turns our theology into doxology.” In the end, the purpose of our lives is live every day, and throughout eternity, “to the praise of His glorious grace!” Colossians 1:6