We often think of motherhood (and parenting) as a kind of recipe.

If we add just the right ingredients to the mix, a dash of this or that, and put it in the oven long enough, then out will come this perfect child and the proverbial perfect life. Motherhood and life never work that way. Most moms know the things they ought to be doing. In fact, that’s a big part of the problem- most moms feel guilty precisely because they feel they are not doing all that they think they should do.

Some “supermoms”, thinking they’re helping inspire or encourage other moms, actually create an opposite reaction resulting in guilt and shame from an inaccurate view of motherhood. I took an informal survey on Facebook and had a great response from moms to help me with this post. My hope is for moms to lighten up. Let’s all determine to leave some things behind. When asked what moms can do without, some funny responses included: whining, tattling, all those Legos, Brite Lights, pantyhose (tights) for babies, and extra pounds. Some not-so-funny responses included: an uninvolved dad, absent father, deadbeat dad, condemning looks from others while trying to care for my special needs child. Five things emerged as recurring themes. I want to present them with a biblical response to each one.

1. Unnecessary Guilt

“Mommy guilt” results from the myth of the Supermom. Supermoms are driven by the unnecessary need and unrealistic expectation of perfect kids – a clean house, excellent meals, and an always-cheerful spirit. If you know a woman who seems to be the perfect mom, I can assure you, she is not. Let’s just destroy the myth of Supermom. And if you’re trying to live up to that: Give it up. Be real. Live in the freedom that is yours in Christ.

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Romans 8:1

2. Unrealistic Body Image

Many moms struggle with a worldly self-image (body image). One mom said, “After a few kids the perfect body is gone.”  This, of course, is natural and though our culture says otherwise, the Lord tells us our worth and value in Christ trumps all worldly measures. Finding your worth in anything apart from the freedom we have in Christ results in crushing personal demands. Moms: Recognize that you are in a spiritual battle and it is for your soul, not your body. Give up trying to have the perfect body. 1 Samuel 16:7 reminds us that God doesn’t look at the outward appearance anyway- He looks at the heart!

“Do not let your adorning be external… but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.” 1 Peter 3:3-4

3. Unimportant Things

Contrary to what many moms may think, they don’t need more stuff (more toys for the kids, a nicer house, better clothes, a newer car, a promotion or raise, more activities, extravagant jewelry, an uninterrupted career path, etc.). Moms: Keep your life free from the love of money, and be content with what you have. Your Savior is enough and Hebrews 13:5 reminds us that He “will never leave you nor forsake you.”

And He said to them, “Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.” Luke 22:15 

4. Unintended Pressure On Your Kids

Many moms, in an effort to protect their kids from the stress of life, actually induce more stress in their children. Parents are to be the “non-anxious presence” in the family. Moms and dads must find their worth in Christ and not in the performance of their children. This sets their children free to risk, to fail, and to learn from their mistakes. Non-anxious moms find their rest in Christ, who has become their Righteousness, their Perfection, their Peace. These moms raise well-adjusted children who recognize their identity is found in Christ as well. Moms must also remember that each child is unique. Allow each child to be himself/herself and do not bring unintended pressure by comparing your children to one another.

But Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.”  Matthew 19:14

5. Unwanted Worry 

Moms have many things in their lives that could lead to worry- but they don’t have to worry. The Bible tells us to be anxious for nothing. Some of the moms in my informal survey noted that they also don’t need unresponsive, unmanageable, or unruly children. It is true that many things in life can distract a peaceful heart. Moms can eliminate worry as they determine to have one priority: Christ Himself. As we seek Him above all else, all else will fall into place.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”  Philippians 4:6

This Mother’s Day let’s commit to give our moms what they deserve the most: Lots of love and encouragement.